


Where Did The Party Go

by kyaappucino



Series: Demi/Pan [4]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Demisexual Character, M/M, Pansexual Character, the ending is so soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 09:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6848212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyaappucino/pseuds/kyaappucino
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If a doctor opened his chest right that minute–he wouldn’t be surprised if Taekwoon’s name was imprinted over and over again. And yet…no matter how much his body ached, his hands ached to touch–he was kept at a distance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Did The Party Go

“We’re luckier than most, my Hakyeon.” That’s what his mother always said when people would fight over him.

Constantly admired and mocked for how he looked: a misfit with tan-colored skin, sinewy limbs and a waist so small it bordered on girlish.

The first time he feels untouchable by the teasing is when his mother signs him up for a summer dance class. Standing on a raised platform and surrendering everything for the sake of the music and for the performance–that was when Hakyeon felt the most right.

So when the kid from Changwon makes it into Vixx, made as a leader of the group–he’s surprised and ecstatic. Scared that he’s responsible for five other lives, five boys who are equally wide-eyed and unsure of everything. Ecstatic because it’s his dream to sing and dance in front of an audience—always has been, always will be.

They need each other, and he’s determined to make it work. They crawl into the limelight with their songs and feel their hearts flutter when people buy their albums, when they hold their first fanmeet.

It’s for them, and for each other that they work, losing sleep and foregoing food in the name of making their fans–their precious Starlights–proud of them.

When they finally win during Voodoo Doll they allow themselves to swell up with love and pride (repaid their fans’ love and unwavering hearts with chicken) and Taekwoon embraces him for the first time, crying so hard he can’t even whisper—that’s when, Hakyeon thinks—that’s when he fell in love with Jung Taekwoon.

* * *

 

It takes awhile before Taekwoon warms up to Hakyeon again. After that evening of watching the younger boy embrace his SpongeBob doll tightly and moving back each time Hakyeon moves forward—that’s the thing that gets him the most. How Taekwoon doesn’t want to touch him, doesn’t want to do anything to him. All he gives Hakyeon is this distance, a gaping maw of sadness and disappointment. He supposes its punishment.

“I don’t understand.” He says again during the next night, cold and empty despite having the comforter pulled up all the way to his chin. Taekwoon says softly, “I want to be the only one.” As long as Hakyeon comes home bruised and bitten with the scent of another’s cologne on his body, his neck, his heart—Taekwoon continues to back away from him, even during the daytime.

He’s had to endure breakfasts where Taekwoon’s eyes are pointed elsewhere, his laughter swallowed up, words clipped whenever they locked eyes.

He’s burning for Taekwoon, needs his touch to function properly. But all Taekwoon ever sees are the marks others have left on his body–never seeing the mark that Taekwoon burned into Hakyeon’s heart.

If a doctor opened his chest right that minute–he wouldn’t be surprised if Taekwoon’s name was imprinted over and over again. And yet…no matter how much his body ached, his hands ached to touch–he was kept at a distance.

That’s what hurts Cha Hakyeon worst of all. So much that he needs to leave, needs a warm body to press kisses all over his bare chest, so he can pretend it’s Taekwoon. He’s lost count how many times he begged his partners to bite him harder, until the pain squeezes all the desire he feels for Taekwoon, until all he can utter is Taekwoon’s name as his hips are assaulted, bruises dotting his body all the way to his neck.

It was like trying to wean himself off of a potent drug and committing a relapse each time.

“You _really_ have it bad for this guy.” His latest partner is a lawyer with hair darker than a raven’s wing. His eyes were what sealed the deal–they were sharp, missed nothing and he didn’t particularly care that Hakyeon doesn’t even know his name.

Hakyeon chooses not to comment and goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth when they’re done. When he comes back he stares at his partner of the evening and says “Yeah. I really do.”

“Does he like you?” The man asks as he gets out of bed and opens a window, lights up a cigarette. Hakyeon frowned. “Would I be doing this if he did?” There’s a shrug and the smell of vanilla-scented smoke as it drifts outside, to the lit streets of Seoul. “Do all your partners mind that you keep screaming for this guy?”

“They all know.” He thought of all the boys and girls who’d seen it fit to punish him for calling out for someone else, someone that wasn’t currently in bed. He swore it was like second nature now, calling out Taekwoon’s name in the heat and haze of pleasure. The intensity of want and shame filled him to the core and he thought, _“Why am I still doing this?”_

For the first time in his life, Hakyeon wants to disappear. He grabs his clothes and prepares for the long walk of shame back to the car, back to the dorm.

* * *

 

So when Taekwoon was the one who started pressing into his back, when Taekwoon declared his love for Hakyeon–well. Hakyeon had been _fucking over the moon_. It was like a dream, touching the smooth planes of Taekwoon’s chest, nuzzling into the column of his neck and tasting body wash and salt and feeling so, so hungry.

Everything he’d ever wanted, but he knew that his heart’s friend– _"your lifelong friend,_ " he kept reminding himself as he spoke to interviewers and forced himself to hold onto another member–might just run for the hills if he tried anything.

He tried to find a solution, really. Hakyeon cuddled Taekwoon until he felt that he would burst with want and left to find the nearest body to fuck, until he felt drained of all the desires to touch Taekwoon. If he didn’t return to the dorms sated and sleepy, he was terrified of what he would do. Of what he wanted to do. He desperately wanted Taekwoon to be comfortable and didn’t want to pressure him into anything.

In the end, Hakyeon just craved Taekwoon’s touch and when the younger boy would push him away, whispering “…someday…” the fire inside Hakyeon just kept burning brighter and hotter and he just needed release.

He always got it, because Hakyeon never really asked for anything–but the thought of Taekwoon’s sad eyes and empty smile lingered afterwards. Instead of feeling indignant, that he and Taekwoon didn’t really have a serious relationship Hakyeon felt shame blooming on his cheeks, over his heart.

Taekwoon deserved more than a boy who just wanted, a boy whose hips would sway and grind, a boy who searched for fingers that would mark him—long and spidery, like Taekwoon’s.

Taekwoon deserved the world and Hakyeon couldn’t give it to him clean. He wanted to give the younger boy the chaste, pure love he seemed to be searching for.

But it often meant that someone else had to throw him down onto rumpled bedsheets before he was devoid of all the things he wanted to do to Taekwoon. And whenever he came back, lips swollen and body bitten (but his desire is full and the thought of Taekwoon lying back on his side of the bed is no longer as erotic) he had to face the sad eyes and the widening gap as the main vocalist refused to be touched.

The mountain that Hakyeon climbed just to be closer to Taekwoon came back, taller and sturdier than ever.

So when Taekwoon tells Hakyeon “I hope you’ll stop sleeping around,” all Hakyeon thought was, “If I can’t touch you I’m going to fall apart.” What he actually asked was, “Why don’t you forbid me?” It wouldn’t have been the first time, really. The difference being, after this he usually wanted to let go, to break up.

The answer he got was surprising, and Hakyeon could feel the sadness coloring Taekwoon’s soft, soft voice.

“Because I want you to choose not to do it, Hakyeonnie.” This boy was just full of surprises. Hakyeon whispers in a broken voice, “What if I keep doing it, Taekwoonie?” He just wanted to know how high the stakes were, how much Taekwoon was actually willing to risk just so Hakyeon would try.

“Then…you can’t touch me.”

He thinks he’s going to combust.

* * *

 

Touch is important to him. It’s how his family—how he—expresses their love. He isn’t used to this, not used to the introvert contented to sip a cup of coffee and eat beside him with a soft smile that makes Hakyeon so, so hungry.

He wants to keep touching Taekwoon, wants to be allowed to come closer. The other members keep asking him if he’s all right. Hakyeon plays it off as stress due to his busy schedule, the lack of sleep making him restless.

One night after filming for his web drama, he goes straight home, enters the dorm taut and hungry for his roommate, a burning desire that nothing else can quench. He’d received invitations to another party, but he turned them down saying softly, “I need to go home. Somebody’s waiting for me there.”

It’s probably the most honest he’s been in awhile.

He comes home to Jaehwan and Hongbin on the couch, iPad in hand and sharing earbuds. “Hyung!” They both smile. “You’re home early.” Hakyeon smiles tiredly and pats their heads as he walks towards his bedroom.

“Filming finished early. What are you doing?”

Hongbin holds up the iPad and says, “Monitoring. Everyone else went to their rooms.” Hakyeon yawns and replies, “That sounds like a good idea. Don’t stay up too late, you two.” Jaehwan winked. “Of course not, hyung~” Hakyeon laughs and as he nears his bedroom door, he hears a slight sucking sound, and shakes his head. “At least wait until I’m inside!” He called out, and there’s a resounding “Sorry mom!” from the living room.

He opens the door and Taekwoon is there, lying on his side of the bed. Eyes him fully and when Hakyeon strips his chest bare, free of bite marks—there’s a small smile on his lips. He walks over to the closet to find his sleeping shirt and is surprised when Taekwoon’s arms wrap around Hakyeon, the main vocalist’s head nuzzling into the back of his neck.

He’s pretty sure he smells a lot like sweat and whatever dinner the staff gave him before he left for the dorm, but that doesn’t seem to matter. His senses are on fire and there are goosebumps on his arms, on the back of his neck as Taekwoon breathes in and out, his breath smelling of toothpaste.

“You’re home.”

It’s so simple, but enough to make him cry. “Yeah…I’m home.” he says softly as Taekwoon holds him in place, arms tight around Hakyeon’s middle. He still wanted to touch Taekwoon–all of him–but somehow this was more intimate than being fucked. The fire inside of him dims until it’s nothing more than a quiet flame, small and soothingly warm against his chest.

Hakyeon feels Taekwoon’s heart against his back, and it’s beating quickly, mirroring his own. He chuckles and says softly, “I make you nervous?”

Taekwoon whispers back, kissing his shoulder, licking the sweat gathering at the base of his neck, “You always have.” He feels one of Taekwoon’s hands leaving his waist and he breathes out a soft whine, trembling.

“Soon,” Taekwoon promises as he pushes one of Hakyeon’s white shirts into his chest.

When they sleep that night, there is no gap between them.

**Author's Note:**

> There’s really nothing else I can say except “I hope I wrote Hakyeon with enough honesty.” And, well. I hope it makes sense. ; w ;


End file.
